Week 16: Jaguars Schottenheimer themselves, lose 27-24 to Bengalbabyseats

“Bring it, jackholes,” said Jaguars owner/coach/GM to the assembled press immediately following another bitter, closely-fought yet inevitable loss, this time to the Bengals. “You know why we got super-conservative in the fourth quarter with a 4-point lead? You know why?!?!? BECAUSE EVERY TIME OUR QUARTERBACK THREW THE F**KING BALL HE THREW A F**KING INTERCEPTION EVEN IN SINGLE F**KING COVERAGE AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!”

Grisham then doused himself with gasoline and lit himself on fire. Luckily David Garrard, still hoping for a chance to play in the last game of the year, was right behind him with a fire extinguisher. Evidently he’d been tipped off that Grisham had completely lost it.

Behind an inspired performance by Maurice Jones-Drew (20 carries for over 220 yards and 3 TDs), the Jaguars had the game in their hands despite a total of 4 INTs by the mercurial Luke McCown. One of the INTs was a pick 6 that put the Bengals up 17-7 early in the 2nd, but Jacksonville charged back to tie the game at 17 as the first half expired.

The Bengals, behind the Pat White Experiment and Cedric Benson, managed to get ahead 20-17 before Maurice Jones-Drew ripped off a long TD run for a 24-20 lead late in the 3rd period. Jacksonville’s D held strong and the Jaguars then held the ball for the bulk of the 4th quarter, converting on a tough 4th down before finally punting away to the Cincinnati 10 with 4 minutes to go. White and Benson took over, scoring the go-ahead TD at the 2 minute warning.

The first play back with the ball, McCown threw another pick. Cincinnati should have salted away the game, but Benson managed to fumble the ball at the goal line, giving the Jaguars another chance. That chance lasted one play, as McCown threw yet another pick and the game was over.

“I’ve had some good games and some tough ones,” admitted McCown after the game. “But I am building on this and will be better than ever as the starter next year.”

“Our Number One goal this offseason is to acquire a quarterback who can actually play the position, something we don’t have right now,” said a (literally) smoldering Grisham a few minutes later.

“Oh,” said McCown. “Well, crap.”

Grisham then doused himself with gasoline and lit himself on fire.

I spit up my soup all over my lap top when i read this. You are a jerk.

Ha - well hopefully you've invested in a good backup drive...

The AFC South is going to be a force next season...BOOK IT!

RealJeffSolo wrote:Grisham then doused himself with gasoline and lit himself on fire.

I spit up my soup all over my lap top when i read this. You are a jerk.

Holy shit, so did I. Except for the soup and laptop part.

This was a great, hard fought game by the Jags. Another late Benson fumble almost killed me. Jags had one TO left and some time (considerig it only takes MJD 8 seconds to run 70 yards down the field. Trust me, I know. Twice.), so I thought it best to get the two score lead but failed.

I believe Pat White had the tackle one the late fumble.
Chinedum Ndukwe (did his parents just fucking shuffle a Scrabble board around before they named him?) had three picks.
Rookie Titus Ridder had his third INT of the year and second pick six to go along with 6 tackles.

Pat White sent Carson Palmer a ransom note about how he should maybe attend baseball spring training to help his pigskin game.

Excited to pop my playoff cherry! #justthetip

BTW, the ransom note was commentary on how he played for the Bengals, not the Vikings.

Mad love for the Vikes. And the Pack.

I probably just blew Suszek's gasket with my double love.

omgitsbabyseat wrote:Chinedum Ndukwe (did his parents just fucking shuffle a Scrabble board around before they named him?)

Those are actually the letters I have right now in our Words With Friends match.