Jaguars dominate at field goals, get crushed in actual football game; lose 42-9 to Falcons

“Whew, based on some of the other scores in the league this week, that sure coulda been worse,” said Jacksonville Jaguars owner/GM/coach Rich Grisham as he walked off the Georgia Dome field. “For example, I had a great BBQ dinner last night. So there’s that. And I also know for a fact that I am getting a first-class ticket on the plane ride home. So all in all, I think I’m feeling pretty good about everything.”

Delusional, Charlie Sheen-esque comments aside, there was nothing for the Jags (2-10) to feel good about after being decimated 42-9 by the juggernaut Atlanta Falcons. The Falcons (11-1) had their way with Jacksonville, as Michael Turner rushed for 139 yards and 4 TDs while Matt Ryan had 182 yards passing and two more scores.

Their defense also spent the day in the Jaguars’ backfield, eliminating any chance for Jacksonville to move the ball with regularity. Josh McCown managed a 10-16 for 117 yards while Maurice Jones-Drew inched his way closer to the crappiest 1000-yard season in organized football history with a 13-55 day.

“I have faith that we’ll get this thing turned around in a year or two. Or maybe three. Or maybe never, hell, I don’t know, what the hell do you want me to say. Get outta my face,” said a disgruntled MJD in the locker room. “Coach Grisham’s talkin’ about barbeque dinners over there. I mean, come on.”

Jacksonville’s lone scores came on three mildly impressive field goals by team MVP Josh Scobee, including a 51 yarder. “I’m getting lucky tonight!” he shouted to reporters on the way to the team bus. “Chicks dig the long ball!”

The Jaguars hope to play their next game against the Colts before heading on a 4-day vacation to Las Vegas on Tuesday.

I want you to get better, but I love your recaps, and they seem extra DUCK SAUCE hilarious when you lose. Then again, those two wins I could feel your team flipping shit.

“Coach Grisham’s talkin’ about barbeque dinners over there. I mean, come on.”

Hah!

Enjoy the vacation!

Ha, thanks Mike, I will. I don't get on the road for fun much, but this one will be a barn burner!