Texans become Patriots' "Sloppy Fifths"

Just this last week, the Patriots spanked the Texans in a 27-14 bout that left the battered Texans, coming back for more of Greg Ford's New England HURT Chowder.

US Weekly has released photos of the Texans being trade-spanked by the Patriots Wednesday night, only hours after the Texans were reportedly seen doing Jello shots off the Panthers' bellies at a local trade bar.

Texans give:
Deon Anderson FB 82
Jacoby Jones WR 75

Patriots give:
Carey Johnson FB 80
Brandon McGowan FS 68

"Hrffgh... pfftlahh bbrutshaaha," Texans owner Mike Suszek muttered while stumbling around drunkenly with a ball gag in his mouth, giving clarity to the seemingly absurd trade. Reporters were baffled, and after asking Suszek to write down his thoughts, he only wrote this:

"95 impact blocking = HELL YES."

A sane representative of the Texans, after apologizing for the owner's lewd behavior, later added the following:

"Mr. Suszek was happy to offer the Patriots a fast WR to pad their depth chart, and was interested in a fullback that can give some added 'push' to the running game. As he told me earlier, 'overalls be damned.' I was also told that McGowan was brought to Houston/Milwaukee to keep the Patriots under cap."

dirty....