Jags topple 49ers to open season; grown men cry with joy

A chaotic scene erupted in Jacksonville, Florida last night as the Jaguars shocked themselves, their fans, and the world at large with a stunning victory to open the season. A tense, hard-fought, and injury-filled game ended with the Jags on top 14-10. After the game, fans were unsure exactly how to react, coming off of an 0-16 campaign that had them questioning their loyalties, their sanity, and, most of all, their intelligence. So they did what most happy fans would do - they went home, had a big dinner with their families, and proceeded to bring down the internet posting long-winded but well-meaning messages on the Jags' official site.



"Can you believe it? We're over .500!"



"Doughboy finally gets a win. Could he be worth that #1 pick last year?"



"Maybe that jackhole Grisham actually knows what he's doing!!"



"What will I do now that Greg Food is leaving the 4th String Thrillride?"



On and on they went, well into the night.



On the field, the game started the same way oh so many of Jacksonville's losses did last season. The Jags took advantage of a muffed 49ers punt deep in their own territory in the 1st quarter, recovering it at the 13. A few plays later, bonus baby Tyler Doughtery hit Mike Sims-Walker on a slant to open the scoring. In the second, SF QB Ken Quigley hit a "so open he couldn't believe it" Michael Crabtree for a 50 yard TD pass. "Hey, I take a few plays off here and there," said Jaguars CB Rasheed Mathis after the game. "Too bad that happened to be one."



The Niners connected on a field goal as the half expired to enter the locker room up 10-7.



"Here we go again" thought Grisham and all the fans. "We're pretty thin on the DL and at the WR position, so as long as we don't have any injuries there we'll be OK," added Grisham at halftime.



The game got pretty physical in the third period, as several players got knocked out of the game (and maybe longer), including Crabtree with a lower back strain, Jax DE Robert Mathis with a dislocated hip, and WR David Clowney with a strained knee.



"Son of a B$*#&!!!!" Grisham was quoted a few moments later.



Devastating injuries aside, the tide turned once and for all when Maurice Jones-Drew, held in check all day, found an opening on the right side of the line early in the 4th quarter and burst through for a 55-yard scamper to put the Jaguars up 14-10. The 49ers pushed and pushed, but between a missed field goal and a couple of key defensive stops, Jacksonville found themselves running out the clock late in the game to seal the deal.



As Tyler Doughtery kneeled with the ball to end the game, he looked up at the sky, shed a tear at the prospect of finally winning his first pro game, and said "I LOVE YOU, SAM SHIELDS!"



As 2-year old confetti streamed through the Jaguars' stadium, no one knew what that meant. But they couldn't care less.



Key stats:



MJD 17-97, TD

Doughtery 11-18, 95 yards, TD, INT

Mike Sims-Walker 3 rec, 38 yds, TD

Mathis 1 sack

Kampman 1 sack



Quigley 14-26, 183 yards, TD, INT

Bertz 17 rush 77 yards

Crabtree 5 rec, 75 yards, TD